The Violation of Cinnabuns

02 July 2008 @ 11:39 pm

Girl meets Grill

How many of y'all cook? Would you like me to post recipes with pictures? I have a lot of easy and really yummy recipes and I feel like sharing.

Secondly, I am getting into grilling since I bought a grill to illegally use on my 3rd floor patio. I'm biding my time until I get a warning, but until then if anyone wants to share a great grilling marinade or technique, I would really appreciate it. I've never really had a grill before that didn't plug into a wall, and after the grilled wagyu beef burger I made last weekend (complete with buttered toasted bun and caramelized onion, yesss), I am pretty much psyched for anything grillable.

This weekend my grilling plans include Gourmet S'Mores made with handmade marshmallows, Green & Black's chocolate, and organic graham crackers.

I should go before I drool on Andy's keyboard...

2 comments | Leave a comment

23 June 2008 @ 05:22 pm

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

What a sad day...I was really sad about Tim Russert, and George Carlin passes away. Oddly enough, a few days ago I picked up "Napalm and Silly Putty" off the bookshelf to re-read, but it turned out to be bad Before Bedtime Reading, because my incessant giggling was irritating Andy :(

I loved his frank honesty about the bullshit in the world. You gotta respect it, even if you don't agree with it.

Let's just hope Lewis Black takes his vitamins or something, because if he kicks the bucket I'm going to be ultra sad. I love angry jewish men <3

Current Mood:

sad

Current Music: Paper Rival

Leave a comment

27 May 2008 @ 10:12 pm

Bailey IS literate, bitchez!

I've decided that the Internet needed to hear my opinions on shit, too. Thanks for listening, Internet!

So I will be telling you my thoughts on books, movies, and throw some good recipes at you...and of course, hit it with extreme prejudice.

Firstly, anyone read "Home Land"? If not, let me tell you what reading it is like: You know that person in high school who was really promising and bright yet somehow ended up barely paying rent on a trailer? Well this is the arrogant and simultaneously self-depricating story of that guy, replete with a leg warmer fetish. Filled with an oddly satisfying balance of black humor, murder, masurbatory arrogance, and redemption, this book definitely offers a look ahead at the high school class reunion I won't be attending.

I definitely recommend it with the caveat that it is really dark, so if you like the lighter persuasion of books, pass this one up at go for "Bringing Home the Birkin" which is next on my review list.

Behold, Catamounts:

Current Mood:

amused

1 comment | Leave a comment

22 May 2008 @ 11:47 pm

Sasparilla Revenge

I think I have started to control the world with my mind. Not really, but that doesn't change how much I enjoyed today's Rootbeersplosion incident at work.

Backstory: I have a coworker who particularly chaps my ass. In fact, I am the only person he has not gotten in a knock-down drag-out fight with, so I am not the only person this guy annoys. That fact therefore makes me less crazy for enjoying the following.

Anyway, back to today. My office is right next to the fountain machine for the sodas and the actual tubes that suck up the syrup and CO2 go through the wall and into the machine where the customers can grab them. Assface Coworker fucks with me while I am on the phone with a client and starts going through my paperwork so he can "get a head start on tomorrow" yet neglects to read any of the dates on the papers and therefore starts prepping shit that is not for tomorrow. Not wanting a catering disaster to ensue, I go out and tell him.

He is standing in front of the soda machine when I tell him of his error. I raise an eyebrow to make it known I Mean Business when the box of pure, sticky, unwatered-down Root Beer Syrup explodes in a glorious arterial spray all over Assface Employee. Not a drop landed on me, so I can only assume that I somehow am responsible for this viscous retribution.

Turns out Assface is allergic to or somehow extremely dislikes rootbeer, which he now is coated in. Gallons of rootbeer syrup are on the floor, Assface Employee and all of his exposed orifices...I even saw some leaking out of an ear since he turned his face away from the spray and thus allowed the stream to totally engulf his ear and the back of his neck, which swiftly ended up down his shirt and into his pants.

Whoever said revenge is sweet sure knew what they were talking about.

Current Mood:

content

2 comments | Leave a comment

19 April 2008 @ 08:48 pm

Office of my Dreams...

I am cleaning out the photo collection and I came across these pictures of some office I saw online, where the owner has a dog at the office. I think this guy is some artist or interior designer, and his dog roams his gallery and naps on his desk. You can pretty much bet money that if I own my own business, I will have a toy dog running about and snoozing on paperwork (please excuse the dog drool on your bid, Honey C. was tired):

Current Mood:

chipper

1 comment | Leave a comment

17 April 2008 @ 08:57 pm

When I was in college (I feel old typing the beginning to this sentence, btw) I had a professor who gave us a project. The project was to live a day completely without time, if this was possible. One day in the semester, we were to schedule a day without any obligations, take a day off work, get our assignments in line so we didn't have homework, and do the following: shut off the computer, turn off the tv, unplug or hide the clocks, turn off the cell phone.

It worked almost immediately. I didn't worry about getting tasks done by a certain time. I didn't eat 3 meals a day because I felt obligated to have a breakfast, lunch, and dinner at set times. I woke up refreshed and went to sleep feeling totally relaxed.

It was, by far, the best day I could have had. I read a book, took a candlelit bubble bath, cooked a fabulous meal, had a friend over for a bottle of wine and serious girl talk, and when I did study (couldn't avoid that one), I retained a LOT more of the knowledge because I wasn't racing against the clock to get it all crammed into my brain before I had to be in bed.

I realize living sans time isn't realistic in our world, especially once you have kids and other obligations. But it is totally worth it to try just once.

Anyone want to come over and share a bottle of fume blanc? I definitely need girltalk asap also :(

Current Mood:

stressed

5 comments | Leave a comment

15 April 2008 @ 07:51 pm

I'm still alive

Sorry kids, the laptop died randomly and since I would have to actually do real computer work to fix it, it sits on the desk collecting a record-breaking film of dust. But don't worry! Nothing has really happened other than:

I got a raise, I got a root canal, and I bought real couches.

The economy is shit-tastic, although I would love to move back to Austin, the likelihood of finding a job in my favorite sin-scented town is low ;[

How is everyone doing?

Current Mood:

full

1 comment | Leave a comment

27 January 2008 @ 11:19 am

Something for Mom

I know I've been writing about death and whatnot a lot lately, but bear with me on this one.

Ten years ago, almost to the day, my mom passed away.

My family sold her house, so all of the important stuff I didn't have space for in my college dorm was put in my Grandmother's house for safekeeping. When I went to Corpus Christi for Grandma's funeral, I looked through all my mom's stuff and found something amazing.

My mom wrote a diary about me.

She started with the day I was born, talking about how excited everyone was to see me and how much she loved me already. I was thinking that if it were MY diary, talking about my child, I would be bitching and moaning about how much everything hurt, but in the entire diary, mom never once mentioned her pain or sadness, only when I had a severe infection and they had to stick me several times to put in an IV. She wrote about how that was the saddest moment in her life, because she could hear me cry and couldn't help me. She wrote that she stayed awake crying until 4 am until she heard me stop crying in the nursery.

Maybe it's because I don't have children, but that kind of love just wows me. The whole diary is filled with that. Even when my dad left my mom for another woman, and she is going through that extremely difficult time, she still writes about me as this beautiful sweet child although I'm sure I was a burden for her.

I am amazed at my mother's ability to love, and I am so incredibly lucky to have had such an amazing mother even if I only experienced her for 14 years.

I hope that those of you who have children write something to them about when they were young. Most people don't remember those early years well, and it is really such a treat to read your parent say they love you when they cannot say it aloud any more.

Current Mood:

nostalgic

7 comments | Leave a comment

13 January 2008 @ 04:45 pm

Ugh.

So, if I have been in absentia and haven't returned your phone call/email/fax/telegram it's because my last remaining grandparent died on Monday. I had to go to the funeral in Corpus Christi on Thursday and have been there ever since.

Wow. It's (fortunately) been a decade since I have been to a funeral, and it was pretty emotional. My grandmother was an incredible woman and I just don't really have words here to describe how much she brought to this world, so I won't even try. I will just list some of the positive memories I'll have from the trip, because I know thats what my Grandma would have wanted...she always wanted us to have a good time no matter what.

Good things (and there were a few):
* having a long honest conversation with a family member I love very much
* experiencing beer at Vernon's with Kim
* Watching Xanadu with my whole family singing and dancing
* Seeing family I haven't seen in 10 years
* Finding the stash of my mom's diaries and records (vintage Dylan!!!!)
* Amazing clear skies and beautiful sunsets over the bay every day I was there

So yeah, while it was definitely a sad visit, it was a cathartic one. I finally sifted through my mom's belongings and kept some of the crap that is so ugly (she had a "safari phase" people) but I let go of a lot of it...it won't bring her back but what I kept will make me smile.

I guess my advice would be for you all to hug someone you love today.

2 comments | Leave a comment

06 January 2008 @ 06:31 pm

Evidence I'm Secretly Elderly

I forgot to do the obligatory birthday post. It seems after the Boones Farm-soaked Bacchanalia that is one's 21st birthday, the ones afteward aren't as big of a deal. I had a great birthday weekend...Andy took me to get sushi, we saw Sweeny Todd (which had me singing "I feeeeeeeel youuuu, Joaaaanaaa" at all hours of the night afterward and also grossly made me want pie). I also luxuriated in Sprinkles Cupcakes, which I eat in a mixture of bliss and jealousy because I can't make these from scratch myself.

The actual birthday itself was spent doing the following activities:

*Steam cleaning my carpets (this isn't a sexual euphemism, I really did clean my carpets)

*Eating soup

*Going to bed early

For a 24 year old, I'm pretty ancient in terms of my activities. Where is my inner party girl?? Why does my want list include spatulas and not stripper poles?

Loot Scored:

Tacks, the Boy Disaster CD (People with similar taste to me should listen to "Matilda" here: http://www.tackstheboydisaster.com/music/07%20Matilda.mp3 )

A complete kitchen collection by Le Creuset. I should have brought a change of pants with me to my party because I *may* have peed myself a little.

Look at the superior heat conduction! The French-ness of it! The pretty blue colors!

Current Mood:

content

8 comments | Leave a comment

04 January 2008 @ 05:42 pm

How does everyone feel about the caucus* results?

Who do you guys want to vote for and why? I am actually for once undecided, so hearing what you all have to say is helpful because it cuts through the bullshit and gets to why these people deserve to be voted for.

*Due to my Southern accent, I pronounce this word "cock-ass" which makes my inner child smile. (My inner child is a perv, obviously.)

4 comments | Leave a comment

02 January 2008 @ 11:08 pm

Meditacious B is all about sensory blogging!

If you:

*Have a fecal fetish

*Hate your landlord

*Have coordination issues

...you may enjoy this post.

Tonight I thought I would multitask (read: too lazy to make two trips) and drop off the rent in the night drop box while walking the dog.

On the way to the drop box, HoneyChild decides to drop two steaming piles of Liquid Hell and I only have one bag on me, so I totally max out the plastic baggie with noxious dog crap.

I also am on the phone, so let's recap what I have in my two hands:

A dog Leash
A cell phone
A bag of shit
My rent check

(can anyone see where this is going? Someone certainly will see AND smell this in the morning, that's for sure).

So I go to drop the rent in the night box, using the hand holding the leash and the crapbomb to hoist open the slot, when my increasingly poor hand-eye coordination fails me and my hand holding the wonderloaf drops the bag instead of the rent into the drop box.

I feel pretty bad about it, but there was really nothing I could do...I'll just blame it on my old age since I just had a birthday. Senility sets in at 24, right?

Current Mood:

drained

10 comments | Leave a comment

28 December 2007 @ 10:49 pm

Could y'all help me out and list some good movies for me?

As a Christmas present to myself I got signed up with Netflix to stave off the shitty tv now that the writers are striking so I need some good movies to put on my list!

Gracias

Current Mood:

awake

4 comments | Leave a comment

15 December 2007 @ 10:43 pm

Has anyone seen "Juno" yet?

My god, this is, hands-down, the best movie of the year. Well, of the like...10 movies I saw this year, so I guess I'm not really qualified to make that statement.

But seriously, this movie made me laugh, cry, and I learned a new synonym for penis: "pork sword".

Added bonus: Seeing Michael Cera of Arrested Development fame sing a Moldy Peaches song.

*swoon*

Current Mood:

bouncy

3 comments | Leave a comment

03 December 2007 @ 09:26 pm

Question: What literary or cinematic character would you fall for if he/she was a real person? Why?

I am definitely a Mr. Darcy girl. (It also would not hurt if said character would come to life looking like SexGod Colin Firth)

Call me a giant nerd, but I also have a bit of a literary crush on professor Snape of Harry Potter fame. Then I realized, he's basically Mr. Darcy. He's a smartass on the outside, but inside he's actually very sweet and swoonworthy.

Not to say I like guys who are jerks, but maybe men who act like asshats to conceal the fact they are wounded creatures who need love. (I realize these kind of men only exist in romance novels and episodes of "House")

Lyse, if you read this....remember the cherry cordial discussion?

Anyway, I can't be the only one with literary crushes! Discuss!

Current Mood:

nerdy

24 comments | Leave a comment

28 November 2007 @ 10:27 pm

Sweet Christ Almighty is this a beautiful thing.

Current Location: down-filled burrito

Current Mood:

drained

Current Music: Chet Baker

4 comments | Leave a comment

24 November 2007 @ 05:45 pm

Although this Thanksgiving was a sad one, we did have a good time at my Grandma's house in Garland.

Here is a picture of Andy and the dog! Long overdue...sorry...still haven't gotten the digicam fixed, so this is from Dad's camera.

Of course there were pictures of me but good lord have I gotten fat, so I won't abuse you with those :)

Witness the cute!!

Current Mood:

blah

2 comments | Leave a comment